i am back thats a joke booo !!! kis

Why is the space between a woman's breast's and her hip's called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tit's in there

lol

‘Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It’s going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand.’ Jay Leno

Essex blonde watching the news

To Brazilian skydivers die in parachute accident
Blonde burst's into tears screaming that's terrible
After crying for 5 mins she says
Just how many is two Brazilian

A dog lover, whose dog was a bitch and 'in heat', agreed to look after and house her neighbors' male dog while they were away on vacation. She had a large house however and believed that she could keep them apart but as she was drifting off... to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage as so frequently happens when they mate.

Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said."hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw".

"Do you think that will work?" she asked

"It just worked for me" he replied.

Whats a catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

Black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!!

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now naked, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming..... that was me.'

An Army Captain takes up his post in Iraq. On arrival he ask's why is there a camel tied up outside the camp.
A soldier replys well sir there's 250 men and no women and the men get urges sir
After a month the captain has urges of his own. Obtains a ladder climbs up and Shags the camel.
Is that how the men do it he asks a soldier
Not quite sir they saddle it up and ride it to the brothel.

Bought a new tom tom sat nav today and thought it would be funny to type the word fanny and see where it took me.....Stick the kettle on. Im outside.