CNN reports:
Beginning in early March of 2011 Gas stations will start
showing PORNOGRAPHIC movies on the screens of the pumps so that you can watch someone else getting screwed @ the same time that you do!

If you steal a traffic camera, don't put it in your bedroom!
It'll photograph you while having sex 'cos it takes pictures of people who comes too fast!

Thanks Jimmy B, I think all the contributors do a sterling job!

A young man goes into a restaurant looking for a job.
As a test, the head chef gives him a two eggs and asks him separate the white's and yolk's.

Eager to impress, the young guy throws the 2 eggs in the air, they both hit the light fitting and break in 2, the yolks drop in one dish, the white's in another dish, he quickly opens the rubbish bin lid and catches the shells.

He say's proudly, " There do I get the job"?
The head chef replies, "No, you fuck about too much".

Popped round my Nan's yesterday to find her sucking Grandad's cock.
I said Nan thats disgusting it should have been cremated with the rest of him.

Fernando Torres !!!!
Not as famous as his brother
Clit Torres

11year old Julie get's her 1st Period. Uncomfortable with talking to her parents about it she confides in her younger brother Johnny.
" What's wrong with me She Gasps " lifting up her skirt to show him her bleeding fanny.
Johnny looks at it for a minute puzzled and then says " i'm no expert but i think somebody has ripped off your bollocks.

Hymie, an old jewish gentleman is on his deathbed, his wife asks him if there is anything she can do for him before he passes.

He says "Mary, we've been married 60 years and you have never given me a head job" Mary replies "Hymie I never have and never will".

Hymie continues, " it is the last thing you will ever do for me as I can feel myself slipping away"

Mary thinks how much of a good husband Hymie has been and agrees to his wish.

She does the business and just as she finishes the phone rings, Hymie picks it up and after a short conversation hands the phone to his wife saying "it's for you Cocksucker"

after having a 69 with his bird bob remembered he had a dental appointment.
afraid they would smell fanny on his breath he brushed his teeth,used dental floss,gurgled a bottle of listerine and ate a packet of strong mints. confident in the dentist's chair he opened his mouth.
the dentist got close and said have you had a 69 before coming in
bob said how do you know can you smell fanny on my breath
no said the dentist you have a skidmark on your forehead

AHA! Nice one, crab.

A red head said to a blond "I saw someone today who was the spitting image of you."

Blond replys "Really, what did she look like?"