Just home from the World Blindfold Wanking championships

No Idea where I came.

Anagram for osama bin laden

Lob Da Man In Sea

There was an old man called osama
who caused us all some drama
they spotted his head
shot the cunt dead
and thats what they call Fucking Karma

Crabbster, you're on fire...LOL!

A couple of muslim women from Leeds are looking through an old photograph album.

'Oh look,' says one, 'there's my son on his first day at school, and here he is in the school play, and here with his football team...'

'Ah the children,' says her friend, 'They blow up so fast these days.'
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A work colleague asked me to run a marathon "Piss off," I replied.

He persisted, though "Aww, come on, it's for spastics and blind kids."

"Fuck it!" I thought. "I could win this."
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Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Liverpool station leaned
over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder
to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. The shaking
driver then said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the fuck out
of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a fucking hearse for
25 years."

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aheaehaeheh Crab, Bent and Jugg you nutters!

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
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Shagging a fat bird is like scoring an own goal.
You've scored, but you're not proud of it.
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Eurovision; The paralympics of music.
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So a woman drives into a bar...
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I've just finished reading Kate McCann's new book.
She's left the door open for a sequel.
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Having premature ejaculation has its advantages.

I made ten sex line phone calls last month and the total bill is just two quid.

LOL,great jokes all

Had a Pelican curry last night. Delicious but the bill was huge!

Four Married Guys Go Fishing.......

After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to co me out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.

Second guy: That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool.

Third guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.

They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him, “You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to co me fishing this weekend. What's the deal?”

Fourth guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30 am.
When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said:

'Fishing or Sex?'

And she said: 'Wear sun-block.'