LOL

If a plane had an all female crew, would the flight deck still be called the Cockpit or the Box Office?

I wanked over a blind girl today, she never saw me coming...

What do you call a judge without any testicles?

Justice Prick.

You evil bastards. I love it!

sickipedia.org has a lot of jokes in the same vein...

A topical misogynistic one...
Women's tennis. There, that's a joke.

A bestial one...
My friend was reading a Charlie Brown cartoon earlier, when suddenly, his throat swelled up,

He must be allergic to peanuts...

Another bestial one as I'm from Shropshire...
I always carry a retarded sheep around with me in case I feel like doing something stupid.

I was raping a woman yesterday, she kept on shouting, "Plesase, think of my children!".... Kinky bitch

My dog is sooo cool, every time Rangers score he does a flip, sometimes two, depends how hard I kick him...

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her man's temper and threatening manner.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my man comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me around."

The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When hecomes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time he came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!
How does the water do that?"


The Doctor says: "The water does Fuck All…it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"