There was a riot in our street last night , when we found the hosepipe ban is not going to be lifted.

Luckily the police brought it quickly under control with the use of water-cannon.

I'm getting pissed off with my new psychiatrist.

I'm sure he's only treating my paranoia for the money.

Just got a text from my mate saying he was going to kill himself and ignored it.

"Don't you think you should do something?" asked my girlfriend.

"He's on T-Mobile," I replied, "the funeral was last week."

hahahahaha Very good

What I've done today..............

Been to the gym, then had a nice hot shower.

I've just picked up a bottle of home brew from one of the neighbours for
this afternoon.

I've got a few joints rolled up for the XBox tournament with the lads.

After that I'll muck around online with some porn and gambling sites.

Then to finish off the perfect day, it's a nice blow job before I go to bed.

Fuck I love prison!

Guy's, sadly the world will never be the same, Eduard Khil (the trololo song guy) died today after a stroke.

RIP Eduard

Sad indeed!

RIP Mr Khil.

What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?????

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons

There's one thing I can't stand when I'm drunk.

Up.

My neighbour called me a selfish bastard because I played my music loud until 4am this morning.

Surely if I was selfish, I would've turned it down so only I could hear it?