Hairdresser: $200
Nose job: $3000
Boob job: $7000
Personal trainer 365 days: $60000
Perfect looking wife: Priceless.
For everything else there's alcohol!

A reporter asked Sepp Blatter who his favourite Qatar player was.
Blatter replied, "I love Phil Campbell, but I'm gonna have to say 'Fast' Eddie."

Just came out of Tesco's
Some twat starts chucking Milk and egg's at me

How Diary

i got some cheese thrown at me too. i said that was mature.

This guy approached me in the street today and begged me to spare him a fag.

So I have decided not to kill Justin Bieber.

Drink Driving

On Saturday morning while driving, I stuck my arm out of the window to indicate I'm turning and some bastard stole my beer !!
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Dirty Dancing was recently voted the best 'feelgood 'film of all time......Bullshit!

Get your wedding video out and start viewing it in reverse.
You take the ring back, she walks back down the aisle, out the door, into the hired wedding car and disappears from view completely.
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,
"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."


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Boy of 16 comes home grinning and tells his parents he's just had sex for the first time. Proud Dad says "I'll buy you that bike to celebrate, but will have to be next pay day though."

Boy smiles and says "Thats OK Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it yet anyway!!"

The Co-op, ran out of milk again because of the bad weather, thankfully Margaret, my elderly neighbor has loads of it piled up at her front door!

Jordan and Peter were in court again today, fighting over custody of there mentaly challenged son Harvey, eventually one of them will lose and have to keep him.

Justin Bieber = It looks like someones shaved a premature Gorilla and kicked it through Topman