Little Johnny sitting at the table along with the local priest who has been invited in for tea.
Johnny says "can you pass me the fucking salt Mum"?
Johnny's Dad pulls him into the kitchen, belt's him round the ear and says "you can't say that in front of a priest, go in and apologise"
Johnny goes back to the table and says "sorry for that Father, I didn't mean to make a cunt of myself"
A thousand nights I spent alone, solitaire to the bone