A woman decided she wanted a boob job so she went to see a plastic surgeon.

The surgeon listened to her request, examined her and agreed there would be no problem.

The woman said "While I am on the table I wonder if you could tidy things up down below
it is looking a little unsightly"?, the surgeon agreed to do the extra work.

Following the surgery, the surgeon came in with 2 long stemmed roses and a huge bunch of flowers.

"Who are they from the woman asked", giving her one of the roses, he said "That's from me, you have
been a model patient even through the all the pain you have had".

He gave her the second rose and said "That's from the ward staff who agree you have gone through a
lot of pain and all through it you have never complained".

"What about the flowers" she asked, " Oh" the surgeon replied "They are from a patient in the burns ward who wanted to thank you for his new ears".

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'it is neither a son of a beech or a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.

If you are over 30 yrs. old you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the Blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S

7. CU_T


Scroll down for the answers

Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

7. CULT

You got all 7 wrong....didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's

You are a fucking Pervert!

Women say that giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Here is proof that they are wrong.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child".
You never hear a guy say, "I think I'd like another kick in the nuts".
Case closed.

Two condoms walking past a gay bar, one turns to the other and says "Let's go in and get shitfaced".

A muslim has been found shot in the head with a starting pistol,
Police say it was definitely race related.

My new girlfriend just said, "After an orgasm, I like to kiss and cuddle, then fall asleep in each others arms. What about you?"

I said, "I usually delete my browsing history and throw the tissues away."

I was overjoyed when a letter from my Psychiatrist told me I no longer needed treatment.

"Thanks!" I said.

"No problem", it replied.