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#35556 - 01/30/11 05:15 AM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Bent Arm]
Apetyczny Offline
addict

Registered: 10/14/10
Posts: 506
Loc: Warszawa, Poland
Originally Posted By: Bent Arm
It's late autumn and the Indians on a remote reservation in Canada asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of fucking firewood'





I really like it very much!!!!!
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#35750 - 02/02/11 03:23 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Apetyczny]
lard-o-matic Online   content
veteran

Registered: 05/14/10
Posts: 1239
Loc: Lincolnshire, U.K.
What's the difference between an elephants arsehole and a letter box?
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#35788 - 02/03/11 02:54 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: lard-o-matic]
musicmatt2112 Offline
member

Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 158
Loc: Essex, England
don't know
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#35791 - 02/03/11 02:58 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: musicmatt2112]
lard-o-matic Online   content
veteran

Registered: 05/14/10
Posts: 1239
Loc: Lincolnshire, U.K.
Then remind me never to give you my mail to post.

(One from my kids)
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You couldn't buy me with a million babe

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#35792 - 02/03/11 02:58 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: musicmatt2112]
musicmatt2112 Offline
member

Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 158
Loc: Essex, England
in the meantime.......

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened.
"Buffalo come," remarked Tonto.
"How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger.
"Face sticky."
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#35793 - 02/03/11 03:02 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: musicmatt2112]
lard-o-matic Online   content
veteran

Registered: 05/14/10
Posts: 1239
Loc: Lincolnshire, U.K.
Nice.

Lone Ranger and Tonto go into a bar on a freezing night to warm by the fire with a whiskey, but the barman says "We dont serve his kind in here" pointing at tonto.

The Lone ranger turns to leave, but Tonto stops him and says "No sense us both freezing Kimosabe. You warm up with a drink and I'll jog up and down the street to get warm"

So the lone Ranger has a whiskey while Tonto sets off, running up and down the street.

Suddenly a man runs in the bar and says to the lone ranger "Is that your mate out there?"

Lone Ranger replies "Yes. What of it"

Man says "I thought you ought to know. You left your injun running"
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You couldn't buy me with a million babe

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#35794 - 02/03/11 03:03 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: lard-o-matic]
lard-o-matic Online   content
veteran

Registered: 05/14/10
Posts: 1239
Loc: Lincolnshire, U.K.
What's the definition of indefinitely?

When your nuts are slapping against her arse, you're in definitely.
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You couldn't buy me with a million babe

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#35796 - 02/03/11 03:10 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: lard-o-matic]
Bent Arm Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 251
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Absolute Bastard

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out riding one afternoon, they gallop over a large hill and are met on the otherside by about a 100 indians.

"What are we going to do Tonto"?

Tonto replied "What do you mean we.....Paleface"?
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#35799 - 02/03/11 04:05 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Bent Arm]
Jimmy B Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 246
Loc: Australia
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, who took 5 hours to vacuum the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
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#35800 - 02/03/11 04:06 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Jimmy B]
Jimmy B Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 246
Loc: Australia
Just had a water bill of $200 drop on my front doormat. That's a lot of money. Oxfam say you can water an entire African village for $2 a month...

I think it's time I changed my water supplier.
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