The Wife's Telephone Number
A newly married husband saved his wife's number on his mobile as "My life"

After one year of marriage he changed the number to "My Wife"

After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to "Home"

After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to "Hitler"

After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to "Wrong Number"

Have you heard about the new Viagra tablets
007 James Bond.
They don't make you harder you just Roger Moore.

Hahahahahaha, very good.

During the war between Israel and the arab-countries an Arabic plane was shot down. The pilot was captured and the Israelis tries to get him to tell all technical details about the plane.
"How fast can it fly?"
The pilot says nothing and the Israelis gives him a good beating.
"How many rockets does the plane carry?"
Again the pilot doesn't responds and he get another good beating.
"What is the maximum altitude of flying?"
The pilot responds with silence, and get another beating.
This goes on and on and the Israelis get nothing out of the Arabic pilot so they decide to release him.
When the pilot returned home he was considered to be a national hero and he get interviewed by a reporter. The reporter asks the pilot if he has any tips to other pilots if they get caught. "Make sure you know all the technical details about the planes, otherwise they beat the crap out of you!"

Comforting the Grammar Police

q: What do you say when you're comforting the Grammar Police?

a. There, Their, They're

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Hey Juggernaut,

I nicked some of yours for my site, do you want a mention?

http://johns-jokes.com/joke-of-the-day/2012/November.html

@John Betong:
I'll leave that up to you to decide, seeing my name in print ain't that important.

However I took the liberty of promoting your site on facebook...

Little Johnny is back in school after summer break.
When the teacher lifts her arm to write on the blackboard, he rises and says:
- Miss, have you shaved your armpit?
- That's none of your business, young man, go home and don't come back until tomorrow!
The day after she is to pull down the map, and again Johnny rises and says:
- Miss, have you shaved that armpit too?
- I told you yesterday that's none of your business, go home and don't come back until Monday!
On Monday Johnny's back in school and when the teacher is about to write on the blackboard she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up when Johnny rises and says:
- Well miss, I know it's certainly none of my business, so I guess I'll be seeing you all after Christmas!

The guy on the left looks very scary...



do you think he's in the Secret Service?

Yes I will start to add your name as contributor.

Many thanks for the Facebook recommendation, I looked unsuccessfully

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"Proper Weight"

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on a per pound price with the farmer and then begins to select a pig. "How about that one?"

"OK," replies the farmer. The farmer then picks up the pig, puts it's tail in his mouth, lets it hang from his mouth, and then declares, "This one weighs 74 pounds."

"That's amazing," the man says, "Are you sure you can tell a pigs' weight by using that method?"

"Yep, says the farmer, we've used this method in our family for generations." To prove his accuracy, the farmer puts the pig on a scale and it weighs exactly 74 pounds.

"My son can do it, too," boasts the farmer. Sure enough, the farmers' son comes over, puts another pigs' tail in his mouth, lets it hang, and then says, "This one weighs 83 pounds." The farmer then confirms his sons' accuracy with the scale.

"My wife can do it, too," says the farmer. "Son, go get your mother."

The boy runs off to the house and returns a few minutes later. "Mom can't come out right now," says the son. "She's busy weighing the mailman."

I've been using my new penis pump for about a week and wow, what a difference!

My wife says my penis feels much harder and larger whenever I fuck her with it.