Here we go: Two for the price of none...
What is the difference between "guts" and "balls"
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and saying to her, "You're next."
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop!
And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks. The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house.
Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.” Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under your seat, remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.
"As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat bitch in the kitchen.
A headbang a day keeps Beiber away.
Motörheadbanger 2125 - a real fan