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#43733 - 11/12/11 01:39 AM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Juggernaut]
claw Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 09/13/10
Posts: 220
Loc: England
Originally Posted By: Juggernaut

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children
running around at her feet.
He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline."

Have you ever used the product?'

She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.'
'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?

'We use it for sex.'

The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle
chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for
your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?'

The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all...My husband and I put it on the door knob
and it keeps the kids out.'

And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke...! wink
LOL
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#44000 - 11/15/11 02:48 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: claw]
crabbsterMHB2804 Online   happy
addict

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 557
Loc: Brave New World
I reported to the police that I had found a dead woman's
Body lying in a field.
The officer asked how I found the body
I replied the tits were great but now the rigamortis had set in
The arsehole was a bit tight for my liking.
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Wooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh

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#44020 - 11/16/11 04:27 AM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: crabbsterMHB2804]
Callum Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 2773
Loc: Fife, Scotland
Haha Crabby
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!BASTARDS! - It's not just a description... It's a way of life!!!

I know what the blind man sees, On Your Feet Or On Your Knees

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#44071 - 11/16/11 04:03 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Callum]
Bent Arm Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 249
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!
Fuck that I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
=============================================================
Went around to a friends house today, his wife was sat there with their newborn baby.
She asked if I'd like to wind it, I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
=============================================================
668..... The neighbour of the beast
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A thousand nights I spent alone, solitaire to the bone
MHB3038

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#44389 - 11/22/11 07:35 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Bent Arm]
John_Betong Offline
journeyman

Registered: 05/19/11
Posts: 55
Loc: Bangkok, Thailand


My mate went to get a tattoo of an indian warrior on his back.


Half way through he said "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand".

The tattooist said "Give us a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!!!"


http://johns-jokes.com/joke-of-the-day/2011/November.html




.

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#44531 - 11/26/11 12:14 AM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: John_Betong]
Juggernaut Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 1766
Loc: Sweden
When God created wives he promised men that there would be found an obidient wife in every corner of the world.

Then he made the world sphereic.
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A headbang a day keeps Beiber away.

Motörheadbanger 2125 - a real fan

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#44572 - 11/27/11 02:54 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Juggernaut]
Bent Arm Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 249
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
A unfortunate man who had no arms or legs was sitting on a blanket on the beach.

Three attractive women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third and most attractive woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been fucked?

The man broke into a big smile and said, 'No.'

She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'
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A thousand nights I spent alone, solitaire to the bone
MHB3038

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#44595 - 11/27/11 09:50 PM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Bent Arm]
John_Betong Offline
journeyman

Registered: 05/19/11
Posts: 55
Loc: Bangkok, Thailand
The Current Financial Crisis


If the global crisis continues at the present rate, by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational ... the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank!

And don't you just know that when these two banks merge it will be staffed by bloody wankers.............



http://johns-jokes.com/The-Current-Financial-Crisis.html


.

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#44804 - 12/05/11 11:16 AM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: John_Betong]
Juggernaut Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 1766
Loc: Sweden
Ever thought about why sharks attacks swimmers?
Not strange really if you think abut it.
What would you do if you were sitting in the livingroom and some uninvited guy shows up speedos???
_________________________
A headbang a day keeps Beiber away.

Motörheadbanger 2125 - a real fan

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#45213 - 12/19/11 10:30 AM Re: Joke of the day! [Re: Juggernaut]
Juggernaut Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 1766
Loc: Sweden
A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told him that her husband developed a penchant for anal sex,
and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
"Do you enjoy it?" the doctor asked.
"Actually, yes, I do" she said.
''Does it hurt you", he asked?
"No. I rather like it!"
''Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason
that you shouldn't practice anal sex,
if that's what you like,
so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified. "What? You can get
pregnant from anal sex?"
"Of course," the doctor replied.
"Where do you think politicians come from?" wink
_________________________
A headbang a day keeps Beiber away.

Motörheadbanger 2125 - a real fan

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