Ladies, if a man says he'll fix it, he'll fix it! You don't need to remind him every six months...

Wife to husband: I'm going over to talk to the neighbour for five minutes, will you be so kind and stir the soup every halfhour?

A man was hiding under the kitchentable when his wife was making the rounds when the neighbour walked in and saw him. -So you're sitting under the kitchentable? -I am the man of the house so I sit wherever I like!

- Doctor can you tell me why my back hurts so much these days?
- I suggest you stop masturbating!
- Can that help?
- No but I can't examine you otherwise!

A classic from the news headlines:
A man escapes from the funny farm, goes in to a laundromat and have sex with a lady there and the escapes the scene.
The headline read: Nut screws washers and bolts...