Wife comes home early and catches Hubby having a wank in the kitchen. She rushes over and gives him the blow job of his life.
Afterwards he says "We haven't had sex for 6 months and suddenly this . . . Why??"
She answers "I only washed the floor this morning. I'd rather clean my teeth than get the fucking mop out again!!"
Irish newlyweds turn up at their hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks "Do you have reservations?"
Bride says "Well . . . . .I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse!!!"
Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, your fucking next!!"
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!"
What do you think this exchange is from............
Give it here"
"No, it's mine"
"Let me have it"
"It’s my turn!"
"You had it last"
"Come on gimme it"
"But it's my go!!!"
. . . . . . .Siamese twins having a wank
Lost my job as a lifeguard yesterday.
Apparently refusing a Muslim entry to the pool whilst tapping the "No bombing" sign isn't the done thing.
A thousand nights I spent alone, solitaire to the bone